Art of Desire

23 Dec

monks-dawn

I’ve ruminated a great deal over the past year, some thoughts I’ve published to this blog and others I’ve kept in my heart where they belong. At this juncture I feel compelled to write one last post before we complete this orbit around the sun.

2016 will be forever carved into my soul as a year of nothing less than monumental change. It was a year of polarities and my breaking the most critical silences. This year was characterized by the greatest losses, heartbreak, and grief I’ve yet to experience. At the same time it brought forth some of the greatest gifts in love and spiritual freedom I’ve ever received. There is truth to the fact that at times you have to give something up to gain something far superior. I had to lose nearly everything I knew in order to gain everything unknown. I surrendered control over my life and learned what trusting my spirit really is about. Desiring only what is within me.

This year brought into me a river of truths that I’ve allowed to come in with natural vigor, and  flow out more polished and authentic than ever. It began with some of the most raw and harsh truths I’ve ever faced. I had become so disconnected with my spirit, it was languishing. I was both blind and deaf to all that surrounded me. I could not see the elephant that was before me and beside me day-in and day-out until one day the blindfold was hastily removed, revealing the harsh reality. Resuscitating my spirit began with me. I had no choice but to confront these strident truths with conviction and courage I didn’t know existed inside. One day the battle stopped, and I chose to see myself the way the Universe created me, to shine. Instead of battling in resistance like the bull in a china shop that I can be, I accepted a gift of grace and learned to embrace them with love and empathy.

Following some of the rather tumultuous events this year, a dense fog set-in, paralyzing me for a time, and making it difficult to navigate and make decisions. With hours and days of reflection, introspection, and guidance I was able to clear out years of debris and spider webs that cluttered and acidified my soul, bringing forth the most crystalline clarity I’ve ever known. This clearing away of the past, took months of intentional and deliberate work. It meant digging back into more than 10 years of painful memoirs, engraving their lessons in my heart, finding peace in their pang, and finally laying them to rest once and for all. It brought me back to my heart and gave me the courage to trust my spirit to guide me in this new phase of my life. I discovered my cardinal direction to move forward gallantly into the unknown. To desire only what is meant for me.

I do not know what the future holds, nor do I desire to predict it. I am perfectly content with what the moment is today, I found new beauty and solace in the ambiguity. I do know that life is full of challenges, tribulations, and from time to time catastrophes. These can not be prevented or mitigated in their entirety. All I can do is be better prepared to weather life’s storms.

As I look back at year where I both lost and gained everything, I am compelled to put a mark in time on the virtues that I must carry into this new chapter of life.

  • Always trade your expectations for appreciation.
  • Keep your spirit open to the gifts of the divine.
  • Be open to your secret desires to be ravished.
  • Glow with the light of your spirit.
  • Laugh abundantly.
  • Manifest wisely.
  • Give love with your hands behind your back.
  • Love heart forward.
  • Let love in.

As I bid 2016 farewell and welcome 2017 with an open heart, words can not begin to express the gratitude I feel. I vow to take time each day for silence, to nurture and keep myself alive in whatever form that may take. To desire only what is present. This moment forward my heart is light, love abounds, and my spirit free.

elephant_ravished

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