Tag Archives: life

Art of Desire

23 Dec

monks-dawn

I’ve ruminated a great deal over the past year, some thoughts I’ve published to this blog and others I’ve kept in my heart where they belong. At this juncture I feel compelled to write one last post before we complete this orbit around the sun.

2016 will be forever carved into my soul as a year of nothing less than monumental change. It was a year of polarities and my breaking the most critical silences. This year was characterized by the greatest losses, heartbreak, and grief I’ve yet to experience. At the same time it brought forth some of the greatest gifts in love and spiritual freedom I’ve ever received. There is truth to the fact that at times you have to give something up to gain something far superior. I had to lose nearly everything I knew in order to gain everything unknown. I surrendered control over my life and learned what trusting my spirit really is about. Desiring only what is within me.

This year brought into me a river of truths that I’ve allowed to come in with natural vigor, and  flow out more polished and authentic than ever. It began with some of the most raw and harsh truths I’ve ever faced. I had become so disconnected with my spirit, it was languishing. I was both blind and deaf to all that surrounded me. I could not see the elephant that was before me and beside me day-in and day-out until one day the blindfold was hastily removed, revealing the harsh reality. Resuscitating my spirit began with me. I had no choice but to confront these strident truths with conviction and courage I didn’t know existed inside. One day the battle stopped, and I chose to see myself the way the Universe created me, to shine. Instead of battling in resistance like the bull in a china shop that I can be, I accepted a gift of grace and learned to embrace them with love and empathy.

Following some of the rather tumultuous events this year, a dense fog set-in, paralyzing me for a time, and making it difficult to navigate and make decisions. With hours and days of reflection, introspection, and guidance I was able to clear out years of debris and spider webs that cluttered and acidified my soul, bringing forth the most crystalline clarity I’ve ever known. This clearing away of the past, took months of intentional and deliberate work. It meant digging back into more than 10 years of painful memoirs, engraving their lessons in my heart, finding peace in their pang, and finally laying them to rest once and for all. It brought me back to my heart and gave me the courage to trust my spirit to guide me in this new phase of my life. I discovered my cardinal direction to move forward gallantly into the unknown. To desire only what is meant for me.

I do not know what the future holds, nor do I desire to predict it. I am perfectly content with what the moment is today, I found new beauty and solace in the ambiguity. I do know that life is full of challenges, tribulations, and from time to time catastrophes. These can not be prevented or mitigated in their entirety. All I can do is be better prepared to weather life’s storms.

As I look back at year where I both lost and gained everything, I am compelled to put a mark in time on the virtues that I must carry into this new chapter of life.

  • Always trade your expectations for appreciation.
  • Keep your spirit open to the gifts of the divine.
  • Be open to your secret desires to be ravished.
  • Glow with the light of your spirit.
  • Laugh abundantly.
  • Manifest wisely.
  • Give love with your hands behind your back.
  • Love heart forward.
  • Let love in.

As I bid 2016 farewell and welcome 2017 with an open heart, words can not begin to express the gratitude I feel. I vow to take time each day for silence, to nurture and keep myself alive in whatever form that may take. To desire only what is present. This moment forward my heart is light, love abounds, and my spirit free.

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Mindfulness in the Wake of Tragedy

23 Sep

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Life happens. It just does. Sometimes life comes knocking on our door with tragedy, and sometimes it keeps coming back with more. Life has a way of pulling back the layers, one by one, until all of our vulnerability is exposed in the nude. Forcing us to either run away from ourselves or embrace our true rawness. At some point, from all of that tragedy and exposed vulnerability, energy starts to shift and something beautiful blossoms (if you let it!). Its the moment when our soul experiences a sort of sonic boom. Its an Ah Ha! moment, be it a very tough and painful reality or some personal revelation about your next step in life. Its a personal equinox.

The past few weeks have brought a yin and yang of energizing inspiration and deep agony. In the wake of tragedy I have refocused my energy and love into things I can influence and change, namely myself. I have also been pouring some additional loving energy into my beautiful little boy. Then any left over I’ve been refocusing into my professional realm, which is also a part of who I am. This has been both positive and rewarding, albeit it with some challenges and frustrations along the way. And I will fully admit that I’ve stumbled from grace at least a dozen times in the past week. It is no coincidence that the knocking on my door is due, at least in part, to the fall equinox. I must mention, I’ve never been more ready for Fall than I am this year.

One thing is different though, I am watching myself a little bit more each time I stumble and I am resetting and rebounding much more quickly. Isn’t it amazing how resilient we can become, even with age? It all comes down to that sonic boom. Its taught me more about the essence of gratitude and mindfulness. I feel as though gratitude is what has characterized my 30s. I started writing about gratitude from the time I started this blog 5 years ago… and I am still writing about it today. I am starting to embrace and celebrate gratitude in the simple pleasures of daily living in a way I’ve never been able to before. I look for beauty in places I may have previously overlooked it. About a week ago I took the very end of a stalk of celery, the part you usually toss away, and I placed it in a glass dish with water. Each day I’ve been inspecting it while I sit at the supper table, marveling at how much it grows each day with nothing more than water and sun.

Then there is mindfulness. Geesh this is a tough one! This is probably where I’ve been stumbling the most. This week started out mindful and gracious. By Wednesday afternoon I was wound-up like a top, feeling constricted, unable to sleep, and unable to manage my emotions with grace. I just wasn’t ready for old man life to come knocking at my door, yet again, and it cascaded from there. The only thing that is different is that each time I fell from grace, I fell a little more lightly and got back-up a little more quickly. I also took steps to care for myself in the process, and unwind that top a bit. That is a shift in itself. Like anything else, mindfulness requires practice, and lots of it. Each day I am more cautious to watch my mind, watch my reactions. Now I need to also watch my focus and deliberately channel my love and energy to where it matters most.

Something else also shifted for me this week. I can finally see a life ahead of me. I don’t care to know where it is going or what the destination is. What I am going to focus on is deliberately defining how my life is characterized in moving forward. Its not going to be a storybook fairy tale, and that is okay. What I care more about now is creating a life I enjoy living in its simplicity. Being genuine to myself and others. In smiling more and laughing more often. Forgiving more and loving deeper. In falling from grace a little more softly and perhaps a little less frequently.

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Event + Response = Outcomes

27 Jul

This whole formula of event + response = outcomes is so not a novel concept, and until recently I didn’t fully realize the secrets it holds. It’s one I have understood for a while now in my professional work, but I’ve not been fully conscientious of its meaning on a personal level. I’ve been doing some soul-searching recently, and it mostly centers around expectations. Why? This is something that we all deal with in different situations or circumstances throughout our lives, and are often challenged by. I also believe there are ways that I, and you, can better manage our expectations of ourselves and of others. I certainly have not cracked the code on this, but it is something I am trying to better understand and improve in my life.

I don’t deal with disappointment well. I am fairly certain that I share this sentiment with many others. And well, my time has come again to be up at the batting cages of life. When life throws us a curve ball the only control we have is on our reaction and ourselves. This is something I’ve had to face in a few back-to-back innings recently, and it has not been easy. It’s also forced me to ask some tough questions, how can I influence the outcomes in my life for today and the future? How can I improve myself and how I respond to events? So that I am a better role model to my son, but also so that I can enjoy healthier and more fulfilling relationships with myself and others? Unfortunately for me there has been too much cacophony recently that I’ve not been able to clearly and conscientiously consider my reactions to recent events, or curve balls, and react gently and deliberately. At some point the thunderstorms pass and we are left with fresh air to breath that guide us to clarity, thank goodness.

So its brought me to think more about expectations, and the great expectations I have had for life. As I turn another page in my book of life, I am actually seeking not to have so many great expectations but rather to have realistic expectations and less of them.

I dream big. I’ve always believed that if a dream is not bigger than one’s lifetime then it is not big enough. The challenge lies in that I am extremely practical, and have a knack for turning ideas into reality, except for when my mind runs away from me and I wind up with unrealistic, and frankly unfair, expectations. Lets start with a simple case that many of us can share… We plan a summer vacation to the beach, rent a house, invite our friends. For months we daydream about how wonderful and fun this vacation will be, and we even dream about how relaxing it will be. We create this expectation in our mind for the picture perfect beach vacation. Reality sets in, we arrive and one of the kids has gotten car sick and the other is way over tired. We clean the mess only to find more mess. Meanwhile our spouse is complaining that they are hungry but don’t do anything to start preparing dinner. Next thing you know the kids are fighting over who threw sand first. By bedtime you go to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine and are reminded that there is a sink full of dishes to do. So much for that blissful, fun, and relaxing family vacation! We come home tired and disappointed in ourself, our spouse, possibly our kids, and the overall outcome. It’s a tough spot to be.

It can also take the form of smaller more day-to-day trials and tribulations in life. Perhaps you plan a special home cooked dinner that you went out to get special ingredients for. You confirm with your significant other what time they will be home and dinner will be on. Dinner is on the table, and there you find yourself eating alone. Your significant other got caught-up with work and couldn’t make it.

Unrealistic expectations also permeate our professional lives. You may have a business idea or an invention that can help change the world. You dream-up how this business will run, you see an intrinsic need for it and expect that everyone else will too, and you have set a high expecation for immediate success and prosperity. Only to find yourself disappointed when you can’t raise the captial to get it off the ground or to find there isn’t much of a demand for your invention or idea. This can quickly lead to frustration, disappointment in yourself, and at times financial hardships.

Unrealistic and unfair expectations always lead to disappointment, and most often outcomes that are characterized by some level of hurt. Our expectations of others also greatly impacts the way we perceive them and hence the way they behave, their reactions. Well how about if we instead watch our minds more cautiously, and deliberately set realistic expectations. We can still dream, but we don’t let our minds run away with the daydreams that lead to unrealistic and unfair expecations. We would still come back from vacation tired but we’d probably at least have a smile on our face, and be at a happy place with others. This is precisely what I am working on.

The whole notion of big houses, keeping up with the Jones, dreamy picture perfect families, successful and easy small businesses – breeds a culture that normalizes false expectations that lead to disappointment, and often times destruction. For me, I am committed to changing that in my life and the first step is to watch my mind. By watching my mind, I can ensure that my reactions are more gentle and peaceful. That my dreams and expectations don’t run away from me. I will watch my mind throughout the daily rhythms of life, so that it becomes ingrained in me, and not only when my time comes to be up at the batting cages of life. I will deliberately seek to react more gently with myself and with others.

Expectation is the root of all heartache.
– William Shakespeare

 

 

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The Taboo of Nakedness

1 Jul

I really want to write about something happy, you know, one of those happy-go-lucky kind of reads that gets you laughing out loud to yourself. Reality is that is just not where I am at right now. I know I will be there again one day.

Instead I am going to share with you my recent experience with vulnerability. Vulnerability is one of those words that sends a shock down our spine when we hear the word, it shakes our soul to the core. I am going to knock down taboos and come face-to-face with vulnerability. Why, because I am actually okay with it now.

I’ve always been a “tough girl”, the type that doesn’t cry when I fall, a tom-boy of sorts, and the type that just gets back-up and keeps going. I developed that persona growing-up through both good and bad circumstances. In other words I have very tough skin, skin of metal armor. I have finally come to the point that I know it and I’m okay with it.

Recently  I’ve experienced some of the hardest, and most difficult situations in my life. Ever. I’ve been through a lot of sh*t before but nothing comes close to this. I am not going to get into all of the gory details, because it’s just not necessary and through it all I sincerely believe that every cloud has a silver lining. I don’t know all that I have to learn, and grow, from these life changing events but day-by-day I will uncover the secrets they hold that will help me become a better person. The one thing I’ve learned about more than ever before is vulnerability.

Because I have a natural suit of metal armor, I rarely felt and internalized vulnerability. I am that girl who hitchhiked solo in southern Turkey, who took a shipping boat for over 24 hours to cross Lake Nicaragua, and gallivanted through remote jungles all over the World. There were moments in those experiences that I did feel vulnerable, and they were also trust building exercises with myself. Opportunities to build confidence, self-worth, and trust in myself, but also in other people – complete strangers. Not everything about those experiences was perfect and pretty. I ended up with Montezuma’s Revenge countless times. I stumbled across a 3-meter long snake that was as big around as my thigh in the middle of the jungle. I got lost in a remote rainforest and spent the night huddled under some fallen palm leaves with no flashlight or food. I also remember those professional experiences in my 20s when I sat before sat before conservative State law makers in Capital buildings feeling like a complete fraud – what the hell did I know at 25 years old? Those are light experience with vulnerability I will never forget. They were moments that I was having a wrestling match with vulnerability.

I recently came face-to-face with vulnerability again, not by choice, and in a very different context. Instead of snakes, hitch hiking, and conservative law makers, I confronted vulnerability in one of the most intimate aspects of my life – my home. I felt so physically and emotionally vulnerable and scared, I didn’t sleep for days. Yes, days and days. It doesn’t matter what led to this confrontation with vulnerability, its just that circumstances were what they were. I suddenly felt powerless, unprotected, and downright vulnerable. I lost all that I knew and defined as my safe place in the world. That suit of metal armor had suddenly vanished before my eyes. I did what I needed to do. Redefine a safe place in the world for me and my son. It doesn’t make our suits of metal armor magically reappear. Instead it taught me to be okay with a certain level of vulnerability, and that I must define what that means for me and what my boundaries are.

Instead of fearing vulnerability I’ve come to understand vulnerability in ways I never thought of before. Its risk, uncertainty, and emotional exposure. Coming face-to-face with vulnerability is to find ourselves naked and unintentionally exposed, and neck deep in our misery. To be vulnerable is to be human. It is a deep part of the human experience. Things happen in our lives that force us to look within in ways we never have considered before. What we might experience, feel, and see are not always roses – and often times its quite the contrary. However, if we embrace those moments of introspection, in the darkest and toughest of times, we can see the beauty and innocence that lies in our individual vulnerability. Embrace it. And learn from it.

I am not 100% there, and I don’t think I ever will be. The destination is not the goal. What I have learned is that I must commit myself to living my most genuine and authentic life. Living my most genuine and authentic life is not something I can compromise. I also don’t know exactly what that looks like and in time it will take shape if I continue to ensure that I check-in with authenticity in making decisions along the way. I don’t know what life has in-store but the new found acceptance with vulnerability has led me to go further in my commitment to living my most genuine and authentic life.

Here I end with a photo I took high-up in the mountains of Ecuador. It represents a moment that natural beauty took my breath away, but a moment that I found myself physically face-to-face with vulnerability. There I was perched high on a mountain, on a narrow wobbly trail with steep cliffs on both sides of me, where layers upon layers of the Earth took form. The kind of place where the Earth is so deep, that if you fall you don’t know how far you will go, nor where you will end-up.

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Reflecting on a Year of Change

26 Oct

I’ve found myself in a moment of flying solo and I am at a loss of what to do. Where is Kai? Where is K? Where are Venus, Isis, Zeus, Tico, and Luna? I have an endless list of To Dos for work but I can’t bring myself “to do” them at this precise moment. So here I am FLYING SOLO at an altitude of over 10,000 feet. Its been nearly 8 months since I’ve posted here. I’m not sure which adventure to share with you, since there have been so many. So this may have to be a mash-up.

The past 11 months of our new life have been wonderful in so many ways. We love our little place in paradise. Long walks on dirt roads down to the river gorge below our house. Planting lots of lush ginger, heliconias, fruit trees, herbs, and flowers at our Finca Tolomuca. We’ve been going lots of little adventures whenever we can. Fridays at the Farmers Market. Saturdays at the beach. Sundays in the rainforest. Not exactly like that all the time but you get the gist. Life here is quite simply WHOLE. Its not perfect. Its not a utopia. Because life is just not perfect. We laugh more. We play more. We work hard. And we are genuinely happy.

I truly feel as though we are giving Kai the best childhood a kid could have. He has a community at Arco Iris that just adore him. He talks about his friends all the time. He spends quality time with K and I everyday. He gets to run free outside below the magical higueron trees everyday, feel the sun touch his cheeks. He’s found his love for painting, playing music, signing, and dancing. He discovered a passion for cooking yummy treats like pancakes and muffins. We live life in ways we couldn’t before. This is what childhood is all about.

Home Sweet Home! Atenas

I love where we live and I love the place we now call home. Atenas is genuine. It is simply beautiful and an amazing place to just be.

Tapanti

Imagine yourself completely enrobed in pristine tropical rainforests as far at the eye can see. Land that no man has ever stepped foot on. Water so pure and fresh. A single tree exploding with life on each branch and each life. The earthy aroma of fresh rain. Waterfalls that caress the rocks. Rain drops that cleans you from the inside even in the dry season. Embrace nature, purity, and peace. Embrace Tapanti.

 

Punta Leona

This is our go-to place to escape and decompress, and become one with the ocean. Nothing says meditation in motion better than a long run at sunrise under the rainforest canopy. And then there are the afternoon rains by Playa Mantas, heaven on earth for a toddler! Nothing symbolizes happiness for us then the place we got married. Then you sip a freshly made pina colada and start singing that song, if you like pina coladas getting caught in the rain… Oh yes we do! And that sums up Punta Leona in a nutshell.

Rio Celeste

Misty clouds envelope the lush green mountainscape surrounding the notorious Rio Celeste (or Sky Blue River). You’ve heard the stories about the endangered Tapirs that roam these rain forests, and you think that you just might see one creeping between the palms and clouds in the distance. Ops my imagination has gotten then best of me once again! Then there are the absolutely divine French-Tico fusion cuisine at one of my favorite mountain lodges of all time, Celeste Mountain Lodge, which is by far the BEST food I’ve ever had in Costa Rica. Kai just loved running free through the gardens and playing with the other kids. After that its off to Parque Nacional Vulcan Tenorio to see and experience the splendor of Rio Celeste and the pristine jungle that keeps it pure and beautiful. We hired a guide for our 5 hour jungle hike to learn about nature, and so glad that we did!

Playa Langosta

Want open ocean and white sand beaches on the Pacific that extend as far as the eye can see? Then Playa Langosta is the place for you. Nothing quite compares to rolling around in the waves and sand for a couple of days, playing in a river that flows to the ocean with your toddler, or taking walks along a trail to search out Iguanas. Then there is the all-you-can-eat buffets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Indulgent best describes a getaway to Playa Langosta!

La Paz Waterfall Gardens

Last but certainly not least is the one and only La Paz Waterfall Gardens! Want to trek through untouched cloud forest? Do you yearn to feel the cool mist of pure mountain water cascade down rocks in the rain forest? Then this is the place for you. To top it off you will have the opportunity to play with rescued Toucans and have them rest on your arm. How cool is that? We love this place, especially for kids and whenever we have friends and family visiting. It is a place we can come back to again and again just for a fun day in nature and for a reminder of Costa Rican traditions.

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Trials and Tribulations of Selling in the 202

30 Jan

Cherry_Blossoms_HomeThe past six months of my life have been mostly consumed with the whole process of preparing to move. It really started February 2014 when we renovated our full bathroom, which was a necessary first step towards the process of selling our house. The house preparation and selling saga continued though most of January 2015, all the meanwhile we were living in our house. From new carpet installation which meant that all the 2nd floor furniture had to be moved down to the first floor and then back up again – fun! Later we moved onto the glory of granite counter top installation, a new sink, sealing & sealing again the new counter tops, and finally it came down to touch-up paint and cleaning until your fingers literally bleed. Then came the initial phase of packing to “thin out” the stuff in the house and make it look like no one actually lives there. In the midst of this, wee proceeded to get one of our beloved kitties through the USDA paperwork process and then sent down to Costa Rica with my father since we will only be allowed one cat per person when we finally move. Opp and then its on to staging, because of course the house has to look like it came out of Better Home and Garden Magazine with a perfectly chic interior, complete with perfectly *fake* red apples, *plastic* orchids framing out the kitchen, and always poofed couch pillows. Blahh! That is just another part of the real estate game in the 202 (in DC proper). Needless to say but there is nothing sexy about preparing a house for sale , especially when you are working full-time and have a toddler, 3 cats, and a very special dog to take keep happy.

Then came the whole listing process. Ugh. Average days on the market on Capitol Hill is about 6 days, which seems Garden_Homecompletely doable when living in what is close to a museum with a toddler, 2 cats, and a very special dog. Except for us it turned into 66 days on the market. What does that mean? That means several times a day you get a text message and stop everything you are doing at a moment’s notice to…

  1. Viciously clean the house and make sure it looks museum perfect.
  2. Get the dog into the car.
  3. Get the baby ready, no matter if he is napping or hungry or needs a diaper change.
  4. Get out the door.
  5. Find something to do for the next 1-2 hours depending on how long the showing is. No matter how cold you are or hungry or tired or sick or anything else. You have to be out of the house.
    – We walked and we walked and we walked. In the sun, in the cold, and in the rain, we walked.
    – We sat in the car for hours on Saturday and Sunday nights when it was raining or too cold to walk.
    – We left the dog in the car and got dinner and then sat in the car while we ate dinner.
    – For months our weekends evolved around doing only things you can do with a dog like go to the farm, go to a walking park, hiking, and anything else outdoors. That was probably the highlight of the whole process.
  6. Now repeat and do this all over again 2-3 times a day for 66 days while working a full-time job.

Home_SnowI am not going to put lipstick on a pig. It sucked big time. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to give us back the time we lost with the damn showings. There were even times in this rather horrible process where our son was playing at a special activity across town and my husband had to literally pick him up and run out of the place to get home before a very short notice showing. I mentioned earlier that we have a special dog, well he is the sweetest and most amazing dog with us (his 3 humans) but he is scared to death of strangers and scared dogs bite. So getting the dog out of the house before a showing was absolutely critical.

Throughout the 66 days there were a lot of “close calls” in getting an offer, a lot of interested buyers but in the end they didn’t choose our house. Finally at a point of desperation, and at the point of basically giving up, we finally got an offer and for asking price. Talk about a sigh of relief. Then came the anxiety of the home inspection, which is stressful when you have a historic home that is nearly 120 years old. At the end of the day a house is not sold until it is sold. On the financing and underwriting process, right in the middle of the holidays. If you guessed delays and an uncertain closing date, you were right! Could any more stress and anxiety be added to this process? I guess so. But FINALLY we closed.

To top it off, right in the midst of this home selling process I also had a major job and professional transition with no Kai in Snowvacation time in-between. I am not going to kid you, selling your first home is also emotional even if you bought almost exclusively for investment purposes. We made this home ours. We poured endless time and energy into making it beautiful. We planted the tulip bulbs, daffodils, and cherry blossom tree that bloom every spring. We’ve shared endless dinners at this house with friends and family. This house is filled with memories that can never be relived. It is the home we brought our baby home to. And now it is going to be someone else’s home.

Then its on to the actual moving process but I will save that for another post. 🙂

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Conundrums of a Modern Woman

8 Sep

I could not be happier – at so many levels and in so many aspects of my life.  Does it mean that my life is easy?  Absolutely not.  Just the opposite in fact.  But in reality the challenge of my everyday life is something I find deeply fulfilling.  I’ve been thinking a lot about where I am today – actually, where we are are today – and where we will be 1, 3, 5 years from now.  The answer is that I just don’t know.

We are very happy in our urban DC life.  It’s a rat race of sorts with a career tangled-up in posturing, politics, and power – in no particular order.  But a career, a mission, that I am very passionate about.  Did I mention that I am passionate about my career?  Oh yes I am passionate about my career.  I am very grateful for my career, and it also something I have worked incredibly hard for.  Throwing my entire self – heart, head, and soul – for a good part of the time.  I guess you could say, I’ve been “leaning in” for the past 10 years.  I’m afraid to write down the list of “things I’ve done”  in the past ten years because it is far more than I ever dreamed.  I’ve broken down stereotypes and broken through the taboos and glass ceiling of women in leadership. Most importantly, I know that what I do every day helps to make life better for millions of people.  Being a part of that kind of positive change is what makes me tick.

I think back on the stories that my grandmother shared with me about how she attempted to work outside of the home after her children were all in school.  Her work was a “secret” kept from the family, since it was unheard of and considered unacceptable.  A married woman with children, having a few hours of independence at a job.  I just can’t imagine.  When my grandfather found out, that was the end of that job.  Though he did offer for her to work with him in his business.  Not quite the same, but still considered acceptable.  Now for the record, I am not negative towards my grandfather regarding this in any way.  He was a very loving and involved father and husband, and he and my grandmother lived a great life together.   But in the 1950s and 1960s, it simply was not status quo for a wife and mother from the upper middle class to work outside the home.  I must say, I am forever grateful for my mother, grandmother, and all the generations of women that came before me.  They paved the way for modern women.  From voting rights to equal pay to women in leadership and politics.  We have come a long way, and we still have a much farther to go!

Here I am in 2013 – a passionately loving mother and wife – and a passionate and successful professional woman. And I am torn.  After 10 years of building a successful and satisfying career in the epicenter of World Politics I am questioning how much longer I want to continue down this road.  Six months ago I started writing the next (of many) chapters in our life with Kai, and this has brought forth in my mind so many other things I’d like to do in my life with Kai and Keylor.  But most importantly I’ve come to realize I am passionate about being a mom.  Oh yes I am very passionate about being a mom.  While I am so very grateful that I have the opportunity to do both – be a mom and pursue my career – I’ve come to realize that I really want to spend more time being a mom and less time in my professional career.  It’s a hard reality, especially when you are satisfied in the present moment.  But I dream about all of the other aspects of life – as a mom – that I have yet to fully uncover my passions for…

  • Living Closer to the Earth
    I love gardening and farming.  And for me part of being a mom is also about living close to the earth.  Guiding my children in seeing nature through the birds, bees, worms, and spiders.  Harvesting squash and fresh herbs – and with my children in the kitchen transforming them into dinner’s delight.  Living closer to the earth is at the core of my being – and in my being a mom.
  • Singing & Laughing More
    I spend more time singing now than I have in my whole life.  I sign nursery rhymes and make-up new songs everyday.  But I still need to sing and laugh more.  One thing I learned at Moon Garden that has stayed with me is about the importance of daily rhythms and singing to your babies.  Babies (and children) benefit greatly from the establishment of daily rhythms and through living gentle household rhythms.  Rhythms should not be confused with a schedule.  And further, by passing through those rhythms with song.  I yearn to establish more gentle rhythms and create more song.
  • Nurturing Life
    Our home is filled with life.  Between three cats, 1 dog, and a beautiful baby Kai – there is so much life and love to go around.  And we take in others when the stars align as so.  We are passionate about nurturing life.  And I want to dedicate more hours in my day to nurturing my child(ren) and every aspect of our life together.  This is not new for me and this one comes back to #1 – Living Closer to the Earth.  For me nurturing life also means growing healthy organic vegetables on the farm, raising egg laying ducks, and milk producing goats.  For me it is about teaching our child(ren) how to nurture life by living closer to the earth.
  • Strengthening a Community
    We’ve built a strong sense of community here in the DC area.  I love our friends here and they are like family.  Still I yearn for our child(ren) to grow up in a more tight knit community, one that they feel a sense of responsibility and that the community feels equally responsible for them.  The type of community where young people are empowered to be a part of leadership, where traditional culture coexists with modern, and where everyone is a part of making each others lives fuller.

There you have it, my dream list of some of the “things I still want to do” as a mom to sweet Kai. So much more in life has yet to come. I don’t know exactly when or exactly where this journey will take us but I can tell that it’s likely to take us on a new adventure sometime in the foreseeable future.  And with that – Goodnight.

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