Tag Archives: inspiration

Jar of Marbles

28 Nov

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One day I began placing a few of the most beautiful glass marbles into a jar. One by one, day by day, month by month, vibrantly colored marbles were carefully placed into this glass jar. The jar sat firmly in its place of stature. It took nearly 13 years to fill that glass jar, and there were moments when a few marbles were removed from the jar only to be put back in later. One day – just like that, the glass jar nearly filled to the brim with the most brilliantly colored marbles, slipped through my fingers and shattered to the ground before my eyes. Nothing I could have done would’ve prevented the jar from falling at that moment, it was predestined. The glass lay in shards around me, while the marbles became dust that scattered into infinity. Trust was now let go to the universe. And just like that, I knew I had to accept my fate. I could not turn my head any longer. I could not ignore how broken it was. There it was – all my fears, shame, and guilt lay naked before me in a billion pieces. Exposed. Completely Vulnerable.

I will always remember that day like it was yesterday. I tried so hard to hold on to that glass jar, and its remnants. Only to learn that with every firm grip, I was enabling more pain and self-inflicting more suffering. I resisted the basic idea of letting go. Everything we are taught teaches us that it is our duty to hold on, no matter how destructive something may be. That no matter what, we stick it out, we endure misery, and we accept another’s pain as though it is our own. And just like that, one day I broke the cardinal rule and in doing so liberated myself. It was the hardest moment of my life. I finally accepted that the figments of glass that once formed a jar were beyond repair. I could not even attempt to piece the jar back together, let alone  collect the marble dust. The only thing I could do was start a new day, a new life. What I do today, defines tomorrow. And today I write.

I write this on the final hours of a long overdue “vacation”. I’ve wanted to write all week but never had the right space for it, so here I am at just a few strokes before midnight. I am finally at a point where I can go back to that day, and that snapshot in time, without it bringing forward rumination. I look back and no longer see it as an end in time. Rather I see it as the beginning of something beautiful, something extraordinary. I’ve focused on shinning as much light as possible into one of the darkest experiences of my life. Because light is love and it is more powerful than darkness, always.

For the past 8 months, I’ve been rediscovering and rebuilding my spirit, as though a part of my spirit was somehow contained in the glass jar that shattered. I hadn’t realized how much I’d lost touch with myself over the years, how little time I took to adequately connect with myself. I was so wrapped-up in work, motherhood and mom guilt, and in the myriad of daily actions. The past is what it is. What matters is what we do today. It’s about finding peace amidst adversity. Because adversity is relentless throughout life. Finding strength and grace you didn’t know you were capable of. Discovering happiness through some of life’s greatest challenges. It’s about living your authentic life, whatever flavor it may take.

What proved the most challenging is that through this I’ve had to stay in the Arena the entire time, I’ve continued to chase that ball down the field and contend with offenders. I haven’t even had a moment to take a water break until this past week. I’ve kept going at an unrelenting pace because it’s my life and I’m not going to stop living it without the exuberance it deserves. It’s been about regaining ownership over my life. Finding the courage to keep going, and continue growing. Learning to trust myself and others, even when completely vulnerable. And accepting fate and destiny with serenity.

As the tradition of Thanks-giving comes to an end, I’d be remiss not to express my gratitude for all the growth that this year has provided. It may seem counter intuitive to celebrate tragedy, but I’m an optimist at my core. I can find a silver lining on the darkest clouds. I am so deeply grateful for my life – and I can genuine say that I am grateful for the challenges that I’ve faced. Each day I am a better person – and a better mother. I wouldn’t change a thing of the past. I will build an even better life, one that I enjoy living. One that is even more resilient to future adversity.

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Land of Pirates & Fairy Tales

30 Apr

Cirali, Turkey –

Now that I have officially spent 24 hours in Turkey, I can justifiably share with you the adventure over just the past few hours.  I arrived in Antalya on Friday evening, hopped a taxi from the airport and headed into the old town of Kaleici.  I knew I was in the right place when I saw Hadrian’s Gate lit up against the night sky.  After checking into my hotel, which was an old Ottoman house repurposed as a small B&B and museum of a small collection of Ancient Turkish artifacts, I headed out for some dinner.  The streets are very narrow and mostly for walking, as only cars can go down a few of them.  Little bazaars are set-up all along the streets selling everything from clothing to bottled water, apple tea, and souvenirs.  The owners of the bazaar stalls are very friendly, almost too friendly, but egh they are just trying to make some business so they can close up shop for the night.  I found a nice little local open air restaurant for dinner and by that time I was done for so I headed back to the B&B for some rest.

Color photo of the Kaleici skyline at daybreak, just after Fajr.

View of the Keleici skyline at daybreak at the end of Fajr. The Mosque is directly to the Northeast of the tall trees. Just a few moments later smoke started billowing out of a small metal chimney. (Rebecca Harned - Kaleici, Turkey - April 2011)

At exactly 4:28am the sound of prayer reverberated through the old single paned glass Ottoman windows in my room.  The nearby Karakas Mosque to the north and the Pasa Mosque to the West began the Fajr prayer through intercoms that resounded prayer throughout the entire city.  It is the first prayer of the day and is thought to be God’s (or Allah’s or however else you relate to a higher power – all the same to me) most-favored prayer since all others are still asleep.  I also learned that Fajr is the most essential and obligatory prayer requiring that all are congregated at the Mosque for this moment of devotion, as stillness & tranquility resides over the community.  During today’s Fajr, I didn’t know how important and regimented congregational prayer is to the Turkish until I experienced the Dhuhr, Asr, Maghrib, and Isha later in the day.  And each time the sound of prayer is echoed across the city or village it really does make me stop and think to myself what is meant by devotion.  During Maghrib today I paused and noticed a baby porcupine foraging among a grove of lemon trees abutting the turquoise coastline.  At that moment, while most are at the Mosque praying, I saw God in the lemons, porcupine, and orange blossoms.

I am not yet able to fully characterize this landscape – though I see, feel, hear, touch, and taste it.  Breathtaking mountains & ocean vistas, ponderous customs, and vibrant spirituality.  And not to mention the mysterious history of this rich land.  The history of Turkey is as complex as it is ancient, and we are talking about some of the first human existence known to man.  So I won’t attempt to give you a glazed over Turkish history lesson here but tid bits of Turkey’s mysticism and history have already come to life in the last 24 hours and I am sure to share more.

So after spending the morning in Kaleici, I decided to head 40 kilometers southeast to an agricultural & fishing village called Cirali.  To get there, I took a streetcar through the city of Antalya to the Otogar (or bus station) and then I found a mini-bus (the typical form of public transportation to surrounding villages) heading in the direction of Cirali, about 40 kilometers through very windy mountain roads.  The streetcar cost about .75 cents and the mini-bus cost about 6 bucks, not bad and very efficient.  I was the only foreigner on the mini-bus except one friendly guy from Morocco, Anass, who was on his way to Olympos to meet-up with his girlfriend.  About one hour into the trip, and many conversations later, the mini-bus left me off at the side of the highway, high in the mountains, and across the way was a little thatched roof stall selling apple tea steeping hot over an open flame and reused water bottles containing fresh honey for sale.  The sign read, Cirali 10 km, and off I went by foot down the road.  It wasn’t more than 10 minutes and a car came by heading that way and I took a free lift to the village.  Barely a few words were exchanged between the gracious driver and I, as hardly anyone here speaks anything but Turkish – more on that later!  And just in case you find hitchhiking a bad idea, it is a perfectly acceptable and typical mode of transportation in rural Turkey and in many other countries I have traveled.  I’ve both been a hitchhiker and picked-up hitchhikers many times and met some wonderful people in the process..  Back to the good stuff…

Little did I know the true splendor that awaited me in Cirali.  And that is where I found the makings for daydreams of pirate ships, lost treasure, pixies and gnomes.  Think white sand & pebble beaches, crystal clear waters, rocks jetting up along each end and behind the beaches, ruins of mysterious ancient civilizations poised above the spears of coastal rocks, snow capped mountains, warm breezes, royal palm trees, and quaint groves of lemon & orange trees.  And at the 5 prescribed daily times, the village Mosque recites the prayers over loud speakers.  How is all this in one landscape?  It’s the land of pirates and fairytales.  Just lay your towel out below one of the palm thatched umbrellas on the beach, and let your mind wander.  Ancient tombs to your back side.  And Mediterranean oceanside caves to your right.  While the sweet pungent aroma of lilacs & orange blossoms captivates your heart.  And in the midst of this beauty, you are sure to find neverland in a dream or two.  Goodnight.

Color photo of beachscape in Chirali.  Mountains landing into the Mediterranean Sea.

This is the land of pirates and fairy tales. These majestic mountains, with rocks & ancient ruins of unknown past jet out of the coastline. There are caves that bring the sea within the coastal mountains, where there must have been pirate treasure hidden a thousand years ago. (Rebecca Harned - Cirali, Turkey - April 2011)

Dicho del Domingo – Dia 93

2 Apr

On Sundays (Domingos) I am going to highlight a quote (dicho) of the day.  I think of it as “food for thought” on the day of rest and reflection as we head into a new week – and take another step in the journey for life.  I won’t always post a dicho on Domingos, but I’ll try to be consistent.  Sometimes I’ll also post a photo from one of my past or present travels.  So if the quote doesn’t resonate with you, well, hopefully the photo will inspire some good thinking on life.  I always look forward to your comments and reflections on “Dicho del Domingo” posts.  Disfrutalo!

Quote – Dia 93

Años de ineducación apendejan a la gente    – Molotov

Years without education breeds ignorance and fear in the people     – Molotov

Photo – Dia 93

 

 

Children playing outside of a school in the Lares Valley of Peru

Children playing outside of a school in the high mountain region of Lares Valley in Peru. This small subsistent community carry on many of the Ancient Incan traditional farming practices and spirituality. (August 2008)

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