Tag Archives: motherhood

First Birthday Love Letter

27 Feb

Dear Sweet Baby Kai,

I write this just two days before your first birthday.  I look back on my life just one year ago and I remember so clearly the anticipation I felt, I couldn’t wait to meet you.  The remember the night that I went into labor.  I cooked a spicy Moroccan lamb stew and then I took Tico out on a long winter walk.  It was very cool but with you I walked and walked.  My body felt heavy, because it was, and it felt energizing to be walking.  I did this nearly every evening.  One year later and we still do it together, only now we get to sing songs while we walk and point out fun things along the way.  Sweet Kai, you bring so much joy to my life.

This year has been the best year of my life.  I have loved more this year than I have in my whole life, and I know I have a lifetime of love still to give you.  I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am that you have chosen us as your parents.  Our life is filled with so much love.  Your are the most beautiful soul.

Those first days were both awkward and amazing.  I fumbled my way through changing your diapers and together we figured out the whole nursing thing.  For the record your Papa is far better at changing diapers than I am.  We have a special bond that only Mama and son can have through nursing.  I am so grateful that we figured it out, and you still love drinking the warm sweet milk I make just for you.  And when you do, you gaze lovingly into my eyes.  Sometimes you play with my hair, touch my face, and smile.  I love every minute of it.  It is one of those moments each day that I wish I could just press pause and savor forever.  But I can’t stop time.

mama baby moment

We have had so many great adventures this year.  Our greatest adventure has been the day-to-day moments of life together – all of your little milestones, your beautiful personality shining through, and your smile… it lights up every moment.  We have also done some amazing things together. We visited a farm where you got to pet a baby pig, goats, and peacocks.  We went to the botanical gardens and had a sleepover with your Padrino and Aunt Kristy.  We go hiking a lot where we enjoy all the intricacies and serenity that mother nature provides.  We travelled to Connecticut and Costa Rica to spend time with our family, they all ADORE you to pieces.  We explored the splendor of Italy together.  I could go on and on, there are so many more moments.

Mama kissing baby

Watching you grow and develop in the most beautiful little boy is the best part of my life.  I love it.  Watching and listening to you play with the pots and pans, and sometimes banging along with you! Its a blast. Seeing your fun interactions with Tico and the kitties, and your attempt to chase them is most entertaining.  Oh our little DC row house is just exploding with life! The adorable grunting sounds you make as you dodge through the house on your hands and knees at full speed.  Watch out World Kai is here! The sweet way that you give me kisses with your mouth wide open, and each kiss fills me with more love.  Our evening bath time is so much fun.  I never knew that I too could have so much fun in just a few inches of water.  I love the way you snuggle up with me at night while we sleep.  Oh sweet baby Kai, I could go on and on.  I’m in love.

As we approach this big milestone in just a couple of days, I want to pay tribute to this most incredible year.  I realize that life is always going to be amazing with you, but it is not ever going to be like our very first year together.  We can’t turn back the clocks or calendars.  We will never be able to re-live these milestones with you.  They are once in a lifetime memories. While I know that there are many more to come, I can’t help but shed a few tears knowing that this first year has come and gone so fast.  All that really matters sweet baby Kai is that I love you forever and ever.  You are my baby and you always will be.  You mean the World to me and I can’t wait to spend a lifetime with you.

Happy 1st birthday sweet baby Kai.

With all the love in my heart,
Your Mama

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Perspective from Vatican City

21 Feb

Vatican Spiral Staircase

Children are the reward of life
– African Proverb

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All Roads Lead to Rome

7 Feb

Many different paths can take one to the same goal.  I think that reasonably sums up our time in Rome.  Tourism abounds and is clearly at the core of the Roman economy.  Somehow Rome retains its mystique amid the chaos of people who flock to iconic city center and wander along its ancient walls in search of secrets from a civilization past.  You can so easily loose yourself in the grandeur of the Roman Forum and the Palatine Hill, and all the legends that are a part of the experience.  My imagination gets the best of me and I am taken back in time.

I wonder… does Kai also slip back in time with me?  Without knowing the history, having read the books, or seen images of what life was like in ancient Rome, is it possible?  Is there something innate within us that gives us the ability to ‘live’ history? One will never know.

Photo of the ancient Roman Colosseum

SAM_0472

We walked and walked.  Explored the ubiquitous Roman Colosseum from the outside in.  We felt the crevices of the cold smooth stone carvings with out fingers.  Kai touched – and felt – everything we did.  I even think he may have found an opportunity (or two) to taste the walls of the Colosseum, after all it is through the sense of taste that babies (and adults) experience the World.  Just as the heavens opened up and brought down the rain, we found ourselves a quaint café for a dry lunch, warmth, and rest.  I had my first real Italian lasagna and it was divine… followed by the most satisfying (and huge!) cappuccino a jet lagged Mama could ask for.  And I got to savor every moment of the cappuccino as Kai decided to take his afternoon nap right there in the café, and my husband and I enjoyed good conversation (in Spanish) with a couple traveling from Germany.

afternoon Roman cappuccino

Roman pizzas

The sun came out.  We walked and walked.  We pondered the half buried ruin throughout the expansive Palatine Hill, temples, and the Roman Forum.  It was magical.  We even took some time to play in a grassy knoll amidst the ruins.  It was a lovely afternoon in Rome.  One breathtaking moment after another.  As the sun went down we walked and we walked.  We continued past down the main roads where people posed in the most bizarre costumes and statue-like positions.  Yogi that “magically” hold themselves cross-legged and floating mid-air.  Perfectly poised people draped in gold spandex looking like the perfect Egyptian mummies.  I can only imagine what is going through Kai’s mind.

photo

We proceeded past the Piazza Venezia adorned in much gold and the intricacies of more modern architecture.   On some small cobblestone side road we found ourselves inside a truly ancient Church and it just happened to be evening mass.  Then we headed to the Pantheon – the structure known as the temple to all of the Gods.  We walked and we walked.  Stopping in a dozen little shops selling everything from Italian spices and olive oil to Absinthe and leather bags.  We walked all the way to Trevi Fountain where we stopped for a while.  Kai was completely mesmerized by the statutes and of course the water all lit up against the night sky.

photo 3

Finally our adrenaline began to wear off and we realized just how exciting the day had been.  We found our way back to the subway and headed towards the hotel.  We had done enough for the day.  On our “home” to the hotel we stopped to see if our favorite family run Italian eatery was open – Osteria Gran Sasso.  Much to our disappointment it was closed, so on we walked some more until we found our selves at the Ristorante Mimosa Fiorita.  Kai loved this place too, and couldn’t get enough of the waiter and the chef.  It was another  r authentic and divine Italian indulgence.  Freshly made cheesy risotto balls.  Pork cheeks cooked in a delicate sauce. Fresh tagliatelle pasta with vegetables in the chef’s special sauce.  And of course a half bottle of Chianti to wash it down.  Another magical day in Rome came to a close.

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Baby Culinaire

3 Oct

This is by far one of my more domesticated blogs but egh it is related to one of my favorite topics to write about – FOOD.  And cooking, because I do love to cook.  Over the past month we have started our little guy (at 6 months) on solids and it has been an adventure for us as much as it is for him.  I read a lot about different ways to introduce solids and researched all our options in terms of baby foods.  I really like the concept of “Baby Led Weaning“.  This is where there are no puree or spoon feeding, you simply give the baby a piece of food and let them feed themselves.  Also, I’m not entirely thinking of this whole food adventure as about “weaning” in the first place.  We have a perfectly happy and healthy breastfeeding relationship and I do not see it ending anytime soon.  I should mention that I do work outside the home and pump milk for my little guy every day.  The other thing with starting solids is that I really don’t like the whole baby cereal (mostly rice) bull shit that industrial food companies market so heavily.  Why?  It’s very simple – babies can’t digest grains until they are around 1-year-old when their bodies start to produce an enzyme called amylase which is responsible for splitting starches.  Furthermore, most of the baby rice cereal is found to contain the toxin Arsenic.  I could write a manifesto about why to ditch baby cereal (and formula) but I won’t bore you.  For more on ditching baby cereal check out the Food Renegade – as for the benefits of breastfeeding (and perils of formula) just google it.

Back to the good stuff – so while I like the concept of baby led weaning, I also like to give my little guy the opportunity to try more foods that aren’t conducive to giving him in pieces (e.g, roasted pumpkin, peas, and kale) which is why we are going the “hybrid” route with baby led weaning.  I also stay far away from pre-packaged and processed (shelf-stable) foods for myself and my family.  Pretty much the only things I buy that are pre-packaged are canned beans, pasta, tuna, and bread.  I won’t even buy a package of pre-made tortillas if they have preservatives.  We get most of our food through a Community Support Agriculture (Earth Spring Farm), the local Farmers Market, and the rest comes from a local grocery store (yes, we are one of THOSE families that shops at Whole Foods).  Now, this made it tricky to find baby food since nearly all of it sold in the stores is heavily processed and pre-packaged.   There appears to be one decent line of organic and “safe” baby food – Plum Organics.  But it still seems as though the food is too far removed from the source for me to be entirely comfortable with it, though we will likely give it a try one of these days.  And that is where my adventure began in cooking for baby.

Now, I am a working mom with very little time on my hands so I have had to come-up with some creative ways to cook for baby without consuming the little bit of time I do have with my little guy.  That is exactly what I am sharing with you today.  While making baby food, may seem like an easy and obvious thing to do – it is – there are some neat tricks interspersed here that may give you the edge to give it a try for your baby (present or future).

The other night I was cooking herb roasted sweet potatoes and sautéed garlic green beans for my husband and I for dinner.  While baby is not quite ready to indulge in the deliciousness of my herb sweet potatoes or garlicky beans, I was able to cook him a bit on the side.  This helped reduce my time spent making “special” food for the baby.

First, start by peeling one extra small sweet potato and rinsed it well.

Partially peeled sweet potato

Washing Sweet Potato

Next, I cut the sweet potato into small chunks and then I leave a few pieces in matchstick or wedge shape.  These larger pieces are for my little guy to be able to easily grab with his hands.  Then I take a small handful of green beans (I used 8 green beans to make 4 baby servings) and cut them into medium-sized pieces.

Cutting up sweet potato and green beans

Once they are all properly cut-up, arrange them nicely into a basic steamer basket in a small pot with some water (filtered if living in the city) in the bottom.  Put a cover on the pot and let steam for about 15 minutes or until the potatoes and beans are tender (test with a fork) but not just falling to pieces.  In fact I like my beans still slightly crisp.

Cooking potatoes and beans

Next up is prepping them for baby. Be sure to set aside the larger pieces of cooked sweet potato and green bean so that you can give them to your baby to play with during meal time.

Take some of the sweet potato and begin to mash it up.  I use one of these mash and serve bowls, which I find really easy to use and they are inexpensive.  Add drops of breastmilk (or formula or water if you don’t have breastmilk) to the bowl as you mash so that it gets to a nice consistency like you see below.

Mashing Sweet Potato

Mashed Puree of Sweet Potato

And voila!  Mashed sweet potato is ready for baby!  Now, if you are making extra to freeze some of it, I don’t recommend adding the breastmilk while mashing.  Instead, just mash it up adding just a few drops of water and freezing it as is.  Then, you’d want to add the breastmilk once its de-thawed, just before serving.

Now for the green beans.  Place the green bean pieces into a blender, hand blender, food processor, or mini-prep – whatever you already have – with just a little bit of the cooking water and blend it for a few seconds until it reaches a nice consistency (see below).  Moral of the story is that you do not need to go out to buy anything fancy to make baby food.  I personally use a Cuisinart Mini Prep, which I’ve had for years and I love it.  I use it to make pesto, homemade pasta sauce, enchilada sauce, almond cream for quinoa porridge, and now lots of baby food!

GB_Prep

Once you are done with your green bean puree and mashed sweet potato, you can freeze them in portion size servings.  This is an easy way to make multiple meals in advance.  Regular ice cube trays work great to freeze baby food but I personally love the Beaba Multiportion Freezer Trays, which I only have because I got them as a shower gift from my mom.

Baby Food ready for freezer

And that is really all there is to making baby food.  As I mentioned, I always do this at the same time I am cooking for my husband and I to make life easier and to save time.  I have done similar things with pumpkin, carrots, apple, butternut squash, and sweet peas.  All of which he loves.  I sometimes combine foods too, to make it more fun.  Some of his favorite combos so far (at 7 months) – Pumpkin & Banana, Carrot & Apple, and Sweet Peas with Banana.  Those foods aside, we also give him raw foods, which he loves.  Avocado was his first food (and is still his favorite), which we do daily in both chunks for him to feed himself and mashed-up with a little breastmilk.  He also likes eating hunks of watermelon and banana.  Just today I was snacking on a sliced-up honey crisp apple and he helped himself to a slice while we were playing, which he also loved.

Have fun cooking for your baby (ies)!  And when you do, please share your recipes and stories.  🙂

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Lens of a Riverstone

13 Sep

Past and present are one again

Soul now smooth like a stone that has been tumbling in the sea

Fresh eyes and a crisp mind taken back in time

Its the lens of a new age

Listening to stories of an ancient humanity’s stones

Captivated by the elegance of a new mother

Struck by the natural sophistication of a spider

Engulfed by the power of migration – changing seasons and times

Strengthened by the rapture of a vine

Morning mind is placid with fallen flowers

Heart now convival like a riverstone flows to the sea

New Life Bounds the Old

Perspective unrestrained

Beauty in all

I am in awe

– Reflections from Guatemala (circa 2003)

Tikal in Grandour

Stature of a New Mother

Complex Weavings of a Golden Orb Spider

Migrating Birds over Lake Tikal

New Life Bounds Old

Fallen Flowers in Streets of Antigua

Vocanic Perspective

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Conundrums of a Modern Woman

8 Sep

I could not be happier – at so many levels and in so many aspects of my life.  Does it mean that my life is easy?  Absolutely not.  Just the opposite in fact.  But in reality the challenge of my everyday life is something I find deeply fulfilling.  I’ve been thinking a lot about where I am today – actually, where we are are today – and where we will be 1, 3, 5 years from now.  The answer is that I just don’t know.

We are very happy in our urban DC life.  It’s a rat race of sorts with a career tangled-up in posturing, politics, and power – in no particular order.  But a career, a mission, that I am very passionate about.  Did I mention that I am passionate about my career?  Oh yes I am passionate about my career.  I am very grateful for my career, and it also something I have worked incredibly hard for.  Throwing my entire self – heart, head, and soul – for a good part of the time.  I guess you could say, I’ve been “leaning in” for the past 10 years.  I’m afraid to write down the list of “things I’ve done”  in the past ten years because it is far more than I ever dreamed.  I’ve broken down stereotypes and broken through the taboos and glass ceiling of women in leadership. Most importantly, I know that what I do every day helps to make life better for millions of people.  Being a part of that kind of positive change is what makes me tick.

I think back on the stories that my grandmother shared with me about how she attempted to work outside of the home after her children were all in school.  Her work was a “secret” kept from the family, since it was unheard of and considered unacceptable.  A married woman with children, having a few hours of independence at a job.  I just can’t imagine.  When my grandfather found out, that was the end of that job.  Though he did offer for her to work with him in his business.  Not quite the same, but still considered acceptable.  Now for the record, I am not negative towards my grandfather regarding this in any way.  He was a very loving and involved father and husband, and he and my grandmother lived a great life together.   But in the 1950s and 1960s, it simply was not status quo for a wife and mother from the upper middle class to work outside the home.  I must say, I am forever grateful for my mother, grandmother, and all the generations of women that came before me.  They paved the way for modern women.  From voting rights to equal pay to women in leadership and politics.  We have come a long way, and we still have a much farther to go!

Here I am in 2013 – a passionately loving mother and wife – and a passionate and successful professional woman. And I am torn.  After 10 years of building a successful and satisfying career in the epicenter of World Politics I am questioning how much longer I want to continue down this road.  Six months ago I started writing the next (of many) chapters in our life with Kai, and this has brought forth in my mind so many other things I’d like to do in my life with Kai and Keylor.  But most importantly I’ve come to realize I am passionate about being a mom.  Oh yes I am very passionate about being a mom.  While I am so very grateful that I have the opportunity to do both – be a mom and pursue my career – I’ve come to realize that I really want to spend more time being a mom and less time in my professional career.  It’s a hard reality, especially when you are satisfied in the present moment.  But I dream about all of the other aspects of life – as a mom – that I have yet to fully uncover my passions for…

  • Living Closer to the Earth
    I love gardening and farming.  And for me part of being a mom is also about living close to the earth.  Guiding my children in seeing nature through the birds, bees, worms, and spiders.  Harvesting squash and fresh herbs – and with my children in the kitchen transforming them into dinner’s delight.  Living closer to the earth is at the core of my being – and in my being a mom.
  • Singing & Laughing More
    I spend more time singing now than I have in my whole life.  I sign nursery rhymes and make-up new songs everyday.  But I still need to sing and laugh more.  One thing I learned at Moon Garden that has stayed with me is about the importance of daily rhythms and singing to your babies.  Babies (and children) benefit greatly from the establishment of daily rhythms and through living gentle household rhythms.  Rhythms should not be confused with a schedule.  And further, by passing through those rhythms with song.  I yearn to establish more gentle rhythms and create more song.
  • Nurturing Life
    Our home is filled with life.  Between three cats, 1 dog, and a beautiful baby Kai – there is so much life and love to go around.  And we take in others when the stars align as so.  We are passionate about nurturing life.  And I want to dedicate more hours in my day to nurturing my child(ren) and every aspect of our life together.  This is not new for me and this one comes back to #1 – Living Closer to the Earth.  For me nurturing life also means growing healthy organic vegetables on the farm, raising egg laying ducks, and milk producing goats.  For me it is about teaching our child(ren) how to nurture life by living closer to the earth.
  • Strengthening a Community
    We’ve built a strong sense of community here in the DC area.  I love our friends here and they are like family.  Still I yearn for our child(ren) to grow up in a more tight knit community, one that they feel a sense of responsibility and that the community feels equally responsible for them.  The type of community where young people are empowered to be a part of leadership, where traditional culture coexists with modern, and where everyone is a part of making each others lives fuller.

There you have it, my dream list of some of the “things I still want to do” as a mom to sweet Kai. So much more in life has yet to come. I don’t know exactly when or exactly where this journey will take us but I can tell that it’s likely to take us on a new adventure sometime in the foreseeable future.  And with that – Goodnight.

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Kai’s First Lesson – Openness

8 Jul

I just have to say, being a mom is quite simply the best.  Just for the purpose of  recording history, today is a beautiful day – sun is shining, birds are singing, and the wind is blowing.  Today I took some time to think about all I have learned in Kai’s first 10 weeks of life, how much my beautiful baby has taught me.  And as I thought about it, he actually started teaching me back when I was pregnant.  The first very distinct lesson is – Openness.

At 32 weeks pregnant my belly had grown too big to run long distances, and so I changed my routine from running to walking which worked out well because it was the dead of winter anyway.  However, my body and mind had been so used to the routine of long runs several times a week, that it didn’t fully know how to function without those bursts of endorphins a few times a week. As they say, endorphins are our most effective and most underutilized anti-depressant. This was also at the tail end of Hurricane Sandy, which had me working 12-14 hours a day to support continuity of operations in DC.

And bam –  I came down with the worst migraine headache of my life, and it lasted for nearly 2 weeks.  At the time, I could not figure out why I had the migraine or where it came from.  I tried my very best to push through it like I do every other ache or pain, but this was just different.  It didn’t subside.  It was waves of pain from the front to the back of head.  I couldn’t sleep.  I could hardly function but I kept going.  I went to the Doctor several times, it wasn’t pregnancy related, and there wasn’t much he could do besides prescribe me medicine I didn’t want to take.  Then one night it got so bad that I landed in the hospital.  They gave me a medication that was considered “safe” during pregnancy but I couldn’t fathom taking it more than once.  I was determined to figure out the root of the problem and so I paid a long overdue visit to my Acupucturist.  And I am so glad that I did.  She is an older woman, in her early seventies who has studied chinese medicine most of her life and raised a family while living around the world.  We got to talking about my symptoms and what had been going on in my life.  Like any ailment, my body (mind and spirit) were out of balance for some reason and my cortisol (stress hormone) was elevated.  As I talked with her the root of the problem came into perspective – I hadn’t run for about 2 weeks which means my body wasn’t getting the endorphins it needed to counteract the stress – and I had been dealing with a sustained high level of stress for several months due to the demands of being in disaster mode at work.  Considering that I couldn’t exactly just go outside for a run, I had to figure out other ways to manage.  We started to discuss breathing and meditation in place of the running.  This was essentially what I do when I run – and is what my body needed without the physical act of running.  I need to open my lungs, heart, and mind.  I needed to think deliberately about maintaining an open fluid state.  She explained that this imbalance is the result of the mind being clenched like a fist.  And my Acupuncturist right then and there pointed it out, she said “you see, you are already learning from your child”.  Tears came streaming down my face.  He had blessed me with my first lesson – Openness.

A month and a half later I was reminded of this lesson again.  Natural childbirth is all about opening your body up.  I visualized this for hours as a meditated during labor.  Later on a professional photographer who worked at the hospital came by to take photos of our baby. She was also of Asian decent.  We got to talking and she asked us about our baby’s name, and we told her it was “Kai”.  She commented that is was a beautiful name and went on to explain that the word “Kai” means “open” in Chinese.  I got goosebumps and chills at this moment and thought back to that afternoon in my Acupunturist’s office.  I knew about many of the meanings of our baby’s name but I did not know this one until that moment.  Indeed, my sweet baby Kai already began teaching me before he was born.  I am so deeply grateful that he chose us to be his parents.  I love you sweet baby Kai.

 

You cannot sow seeds with clenched fists.  To sow we must open our fists.

Below are some images that bring me back to earlier experiences in my life where other children taught me about openness.  Openness of the mind, and openness of the heart.  Enjoy!

Photo Children's Open Painted Hands

Photo Children painting nature scenes

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